Your Circle

Lean on your village

Parenting doesn’t happen in a bubble. It happens inside circles — home, school, work, extended family, community, and online spaces.

These circles can either make it easier for both parents to share parenting or quietly push one parent (often Mom) into the “main parent” role and treat Dad like extra help.

This page is about noticing those circles and, where possible, turning them into support for co-parenting, not more pressure.

Who’s in Your Circle?

Every family’s circle looks a bit different, but it might include:

Home: you, your co-parent, your children, anyone else living with you
School & childcare: teachers, EAs, office staff, daycare, after-school programs
Workplaces: your bosses, coworkers, HR, shift schedules, commute
Extended family & friends: grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, close friends
Community: neighbours, religious/cultural communities, community centres, parks, youth programs
Online & media: group chats, parenting pages, social media, shows, influencers

Each of these circles sends messages about who the “real parent” is and who is “helping.”

How Circles Can Make Co-Parenting Harder

Even when two parents want to be a team, the circles around them can tilt things toward one person

School & Childcare

Emails, calls, and apps set up under one parent’s name
Teachers automatically asking for “Mom”
Meetings at times that always clash with one parent’s work

This pushes one parent into being the “information parent,” while the other hears things second-hand and ends up in the “helper” role.

Work & Money

Jobs that treat leaving for a child’s appointment as “unprofessional”
Shift work where one parent comes home just as the other leaves
Pressure on fathers to be at work first and parents second

When a workplace only expects mothers to flex around kids, it quietly tells dads: this isn’t really your job.

Extended Family & Friends

Comments like “You’re so lucky he babysits” about Dad
Praise for Mom doing everything but little recognition of Dad as a real parent
Family who trust Mom’s judgment but question Dad’s decisions with the kids

These messages can make one parent feel invisible and the other feel trapped, even if you both want shared parenting.

Media & Culture

TV shows where dads are clueless and moms are the organisers
Online jokes about “useless dads” or “supermoms” who never rest
Posts that only show picture-perfect moments, never the messy teamwork behind them

Kids see these too. They learn who is “supposed” to carry the load.

When Your Circle Becomes a Resource

The same circles that make things harder can sometimes support co-parenting

School & Childcare as Allies

Teachers who copy both parents on messages
Schools that schedule meetings with some evening or phone options
Coaches who talk to both parents, not just one

This helps dads stay informed, show up, and be seen as real caregivers.

Workplaces as Support

A supervisor who understands that both parents take turns with sick days and appointments
Flexible scheduling, shift swaps, or occasional work-from-home days
Normalizing, “I’m leaving for my daughter’s school meeting,” no matter your gender

Even small bits of flexibility can give each parent a chance to handle drop-offs, pick-ups, or bedtime, instead of everything falling on one person.

Extended Family as Backup

For some families, grandparents or other relatives can:

watch the kids so parents can rest or talk
help with rides, meals, or emergencies
step in when one parent is struggling with health or stress

For others, this help simply isn’t there — relatives may live far away, be busy surviving their own challenges, or not be safe to rely on.

Being able to “lean on your parents” is a real support, not something everyone has. When you do have it, using that help can free up time and energy so both parents can show up more fully.

Community & Online Spaces

Neighbours who can pick up in a pinch
Faith or cultural communities that welcome dads and moms equally
Online spaces that show involved fathers and shared parenting, instead of mom-only content

These circles can remind kids — and you — that care is something adults share, not a job one person does alone.

Small Ways to Shift Your Circle Toward Co-Parenting

You don’t have to fix every system around you.
But you can try small shifts that send a new message: both of us are parents.

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At school: ask to list both parents as contacts and to copy both on emails and apps.
At activities: take turns doing drop-off, pick-up, and talking with coaches or leaders.
At work (when safe): name family responsibilities openly — “I’m off for my son’s appointment” — no matter which parent you are.
With family/friends: when someone says, “You’re lucky he helps,” gently answer, “He’s their parent too — we’re trying to share things more.”
Online: follow pages and people who show dads as real caregivers, not just extras.