The "Load"

What “the load” Actually is

It’s not only changing diapers or driving to soccer. The load also includes

~ remembering appointments, school emails and birthday parties

~ planning meals and buying groceries

~ noticing when a child is struggling and finding help

~ setting routines, rules, and consequences

When one parent is doing most of this, they are on duty all the time

What Happens When The Load isn’t Shared

~ That parent is more likely to feel burned out, resentful, or numb.

~ The couple has less time and energy for their own relationship, which can lead to more arguments and distance

~ Kids grow up watching one parent as the 'real' or 'main' parent and the other as the “extra,” which shapes what they think mothers and fathers are supposed to do

Over time, this isn’t good for anyone ~ not the overworked parent, not the less involved parent, and definitely not the child.

Who is the Load on?

✅ When school or daycare calls, who do they usually ask for first?

✅ Who notices changes in your child’s mood or behaviour and brings it up?

✅ Who remembers sizes, due dates, and appointments without being reminded?

✅ When your child is upset, scared, or can’t sleep, who do they usually go to first?

✅ Who gets interrupted at work or during rest time when a child needs something?

✅ Who knows the names of your child’s friends, worries, and favourite things right now?

✅ If your child needed extra support (a counsellor), who would search for help and fill out the forms?

If the same person comes to mind each time, the load might be falling mostly on one parent

Why Kids Need an Active Father, Not Just a 'Helper'

Children benefit when their father is a steady, everyday presence, not just someone who steps in for a few hours.

An actively involved father:

~ gives love and affection in his own way

~ helps set clear limits and discipline that feel fair

~ spends regular quality time (not just big “fun” days)

~ talks about feelings, values, and choices

~ works together with the other parent on decisions,

instead of leaving them to decide everything alone

When dads share the real work of raising children like the hard parts and the boring parts as well as the fun parts – kids see that both parents care, both parents are responsible, and both parents are there for them